End of Life Doula in training
For the last 4 days I’ve been deep in process with 15 other doula-trainees, in a village hall tucked away in rural East Sussex. We’ve laughed and cried and spent hours upon hours exploring a whole host of subjects around death and dying. This was Module 3 of the Living Well Dying Well End of Life Doula Diploma Training. One more module to go and I will have completed my diploma…
Birch full moon setting over the fields in East Sussex, January 2025
My doula training began back in May 2023 with the 5-day Foundation course, although my first initiation into this work came decades ago when I experienced significant loss and grief in my family for the first time. Many, if not all, of those drawn to this work have been shaped in some way by bereavement. One of the things that I find so beautiful about the doula training is that all this experience of loss in the room is honoured in simple yet effective ways. Our collective experience of death is welcome in the room in a way that allows us to work with it, but without it taking over and becoming the main focus. Working this way I have felt safe, and have seen how my grief can alchemise into wisdom, expanding my capacity to be with suffering and giving me so much embodied resource to draw on as a doula.
In learning and practicing the skills of a death doula, we take ourselves as our own first client. We look at what we want our own deaths to be like, how would we feel, what would we do, who would we want with us and what would our funeral wishes be. Taking ourselves through this process, working in groups and in pairs, we build empathy and compassion. This way, when we come to meet with our first clients, we have fully explored and deepened our understanding of what it might be like to be in their position - facing the end of life.
Self reflection is built into the training from day one. It's not an optional add-on that we might get round to later, it's the number one tool in the doula’s toolkit. We reflect on our experiences of death, our relationships with others, on our motivations for becoming a doula, on the qualities that we bring to the role, on what we think will challenge us in the role, on our unconscious bias… the list goes on. Through self reflection we come to greater self knowledge and self awareness, which allows us to become more present, more competent and more compassionate. I have learnt so much about myself in this process…
(I needed some new head shots for my doula profile page, my fellow trainee Kevin Woodhouse kindly took some for me. Thank you Kevin)
Another aspect of the LWDW training that I love is the focus on self care. We are encouraged to really focus and articulate the ways in which we practice self care. Self care is essential for death doulas. Our job, essentially, is to be able to sit with suffering and grief. To do this well we need to come from a sense of wholeness, feeling that we have plenty to give, capacity to listen and empathise. One of my amazing trainers often reminds us that we must practice “relentless self-care”. I love that phrase.
There are so many considerations in end of life doula work, not least safeguarding and the complexities around the issue of assisted dying (new laws to legalise assisted dying are under consideration by the UK government at the time of writing). These were among the many topics we covered this week.
I’ve met so many incredible people through doing this work. The training can be very intense at times, it’s amazing how much energy is required. I’m writing this from the train ride home, heading back up north. I am tired but also feel re energized, and full of gratitude.
One of my fellow trainee doulas on the course spoke a lot about love. If you ask me for a one word summary, that would be it. Love.
Useful links
More information about my services as an End of Life Doula
Living Well Dying Well training
End of Life Doula UK - the national association that I am part of. Find information here about how to access doula support in your area.
